John Lennon quipped “Love is the Answer. What was the Question?”
He was so right then, and when he sang, “All you need is Love.”
From the second you were born you were completely connected to unconditional love. However, over time, you may have had experiences—with family, teachers, society— that took you away from knowing that you are pure love. If you internalised those messages, you may be manifesting shame, blame or judgments about yourself and others.
It’s time to remember, reconnect, re-awaken to the knowledge that you are pure love and deserve to be loved unconditionally by yourself and others.
In one of my favourite books, Power versus Force by John Hawkins, a vibration chart shows when we feel grief, shame, and fear we are in the low vibrations, but when we come into self-acceptance, our vibration and frequency soar. Knowing that everything is energy and, where attention goes, energy flows, the more we align with love, the better our thoughts, experiences and relationships become.
The journey to self-love has to start with self-compassion and being kind to yourself just as you would be to a dear friend. When you notice yourself being unkind to yourself, notice what you’re doing. Perhaps you can put your hand on your heart and feel your own heart beating and that can bring you from fear and blame back into love
Be kind when you look in the mirror at your body. Set realistic goals for yourself. Give yourself permission to be human, which means imperfect. When you make a mistake, do not beat yourself up. Learn instead, but without any mean self-talk, guilt or shame. Each night before going to bed, forgive yourself and others. Perhaps list three things that you love about yourself and that you are grateful for.
Invite lots of play into your life. Give yourself lots of self-care. Be with people that inspire and love and accept you. The more you come into alignment with yourself the more of these relationships you will have in your life.
Self-love means having good boundaries and saying “yes” to experience we truly want to have and saying “no” to things we really do not want to do. People pleasing rarely brings us love and joy, so there is no need to seek approval, answers and love from outside of yourself.
You do not have to wait for physical touch from another. You have healing hands. Even a salt bath is nurturing. Rest when you need to, cry when you want to. Be comfortable to ask for what you need from family and friends.
Do not make the mistake of postponing self-love by saying “I will love myself when I am slimmer, when I am richer, when I am…( fill in the dots).” Accept and love yourself now.
We are all one, and what connects us all is not only our pain but also our joy and love. So do not compare yourself and your life to another’s. Remember Lennon’s words: “Love is the answer. . . All you need is Love.”
I always like to leave you with a daily ritual.
Here is one to cultivate self-love.
Stand in front of the mirror and look into your eyes, as they are the windows to your soul. Say the words, with complete conviction, “I LOVE YOU!” Notice how you feel in your body. If you feel tightness in your throat, tummy, or anywhere else, place your healing hands there. If the gesture feels uncomfortable, I invite you to do it even more! See yourself as a child and give yourself love. And speak to yourself with kindness – always.